A wee bit stressed out...

I have been feeling a bit stressed lately. Don't get me wrong, I still love my job and wouldn't give it up for anything. But, this last week was kind of the last straw.

Special ed is basically

paperwork

PAPERWORK

P A P E R W O R K .

Oh - and you're still teaching during all of this. I don't actually mind all of the paperwork, and I'm pretty good at it, but still, it can get a little overwhelming sometimes. Utah is going through a 5-year audit to improve our compliance. Last year was YEAR #1 and it was a lot to handle. Let's just say my first year I hit the ground running...or tripping maybe?

Anyway, ever since I got back from Christmas, I have felt ill-prepared almost every day. I spend my Saturdays working on paperwork stuff, and then I prepare my lessons on Sunday, which I don't like doing, or at 10:30 pm after a long day at work. Often I will stay at work until past 6:00 pm and then come home just to prepare my lessons. What in the world am I doing wrong?!

This last Thursday all of the special ed teachers got subs and spent all day cooped up in a little room going through paperwork.

Just to give you an idea, every student in special ed has a "paper trail" so to speak. There is just a lot of paperwork to fill out when you get put in special ed! And of course the documents go in a certain order and you have to make sure that everything is signed and dated and filled out the way it should be,  etc. If a student has been in special ed for a long time, they have a pretty chunky folder by the time they get to middle school!

There were about 8 people in that tiny room going through folders, so I ended up going to a little side room for some extra space. Plus, I wanted to listen to music. :)
I am in charge of 31 folders, and I got through 12 folders on Thursday. That left me with 19 folders left.  When I went into the room where everyone was working, I found out that three of the teachers had already gone through all of their folders with the help of the district people who were going through their folders with them. Lucky! They gave me a hard time for leaving them and going into a different room and someone even said, "If only you had been in here...they [meaning the district ladies] would have gone through some of your folders too..."

You've got to be kidding me?! I did my best! Now, the three people who got the most help were first year teachers, so it makes total sense that the ladies from the district went through some of their folders with them, but still, to say it that way? I felt like I was being punished.

I just felt defeated. I stay late every day. I do my best to come up with lessons. I give my students 100% when I'm in class. (I don't tell them to leave me alone so I can get stuff done or ignore them during class time.) I try really hard to be on top of the IEPs and amendments and meetings and all the stuff my job requires. I just feel burnt out!

So I cried when I got in my car. And then I went home and crawled in bed and cried a little bit more.
I was scheduled to baby-sit my soon-to-be-step-nephew, so thankfully I had to force myself to get up and stop being a baby. And I felt much better and had a grand old time.

I don't want you to think I'm bitter or mad at anyone. There are just some days when nothing else will relieve your welled-up emotions than crying like a baby. Just yesterday (another Saturday), I went to work and blew threw my folders. I only have FOUR more folders to go through. I felt so productive! And I feel so much more relieved. Next Saturday I just might be able to plan lessons instead of working on paperwork. Wouldn't that be amazing!?

This has got to be the most random ranting ever and hopefully you made it to the end. Getting through that many folders yesterday was no small miracle. Heavenly Father certainly helped me out with that one! I'm actually feeling really excited about this next week! Bring it on!

-Ms. Damron-