Don't worry - I cried in front of my students today.

Sometimes you have a hard day teaching and your students make you want to cry. You NEVER cry in front of them though. You can't let them know that they got to you.

Well, I broke that unspoken rule today during my 6th period class.

My 6th period has been a real struggle for me (which I think I've mentioned before). I love the students and I love teaching the material, but for the life of me, I can't get them to follow the rules. I don't know what I'm doing wrong! I review rules and procedures. I give out consequences...you name it! I haven't had someone observe the class though. And I haven't given out lunch detentions yet...so maybe there is more I can do. I guess I just like students to be respectful so we can have fun and enjoy our time together while learning!

We had about 20 minutes left of class (it was a block day, so we had already been together for about an hour) and I had just handed out a worksheet on helping verbs. The class went crazy saying that they had no idea what to do and they didn't understand the worksheet or helping verbs...
Could I teach them about helping verbs though? No. I tried desperately to rein them back in so that we could do the worksheet and hopefully understand helping verbs more.
After going through three examples, I felt completely useless because most of the students weren't even looking at me because they were doodling, or talking to their neighbor, or staring off somewhere else. Awesome.

I told them to put their worksheet in the pocket of their binder and then close their binder. It took a few moments for everyone to realize what we were doing because they were so deep in their own extremely important conversations or completely mesmerized by anything but me. (Can you tell I'm still a little bitter? haha)

I told them to get out a piece of paper because they were going to write me an apology letter for not letting me teach them today. At this point I had been fighting back tears of frustration, but all of a sudden I felt like I was in sacrament meeting bearing my testimony and the waterworks just wouldn't stay back. I didn't bawl in front of my students, in fact, I don't even think I shed an actual tear. My voice got tight and shaky though. I said something like this:

"You are all going to write me a letter of apology for not letting me teach you today. It has been over a month [since school started] and I have tried my very hardest to earn your respect. (This is where my voice cracked and I got a bit choked up.)  I can't teach you like this. You are middle schoolers! You should know about nouns, verbs, and adjectives, but you won't let me teach you. I don't know what else to do? Do I need to be more strict? I teach you the rules and procedures and ask you to raise your hand when you have something to say, but you still refuse to follow directions. Do I need to get someone in here every day to watch me teach so that they can tell me what I'm doing wrong? I'm at a loss as for what to do.
You will have 'til the end of the period to write this letter. It had better be heart-felt. Please give me suggestions as to what I can do. At the end of the period you will give me your letter and put your materials away..."

I know. That was quite the little rant. I hope I can skip over that embarrassing moment when I watch the movie of my life in heaven someday.

My students did fulfill the apology letter requirements, and although I shouldn't include these letters without their permission, you will never know who wrote what, so I am going to share some of these:

"I am sorry that I didn't let you teach me. I like to learn I do. Schools almost out and I have energy. If you want me to be quiet or anyone else for that matter, be a little bit stricter in class dojo and if you don't like when someone does this or that be strict. that shut me up when I was in elementary school. If you like this idea then ask for it I want to hear your lesson, but I can't do that if I am a distraction to myself."

"I am sorry that we were disrespectfull today. We sholdn't have been so rude to you to the point that you kryed..."

"I am sooo sorry that i keep talking while you are trying to teach, I feel really bad. You probley dont believe me but its true. I just cant sit still I try all day everyday. I really want to do good in school. I love this class. I love my teacher. Its just really hard not to talk, I try to help and say to other people to stop. I AM REALLY SORRY! Please forgive me...I promise I wont talk anymore (well i will try my very hardest not to talk.) I really didn't try to make you cry. I can't stop saying sorry, and telling myself i'm sooo stupid. I really hope this letter means something. If you still dont forgive me, im sorry. I told you everything i can. SORRY, SORRY."

"...I think that the way to get us to do wat you want us to do is by being more strikt and be mor cler an wat you want us to do..."

"I am vary sorry that we didn't let you tech us we no I am exsquisitly heart felt at this day I need bedere sochal skills..."

"I am really sorry for not letting you teach and I promise I will never do it again or I will lietterally go to the prinsiples office myself if I have to. I have no suggestions for you but ask some of the other teachers about what to do and if we still can't be good be really stricked even if you don't like it..."

"I am sorry that I went ahead of the class with the action verbs. I wish you could forgive me. I rilly sorry that were giving you a hard time because were taking or were taking. I don't now how you can handal it every day. You are one of my favorite teachers even if I don't like writing or languege. So I just want you to now that this note is from my botom of my heart that were being mean to you..."

"I'm sorry for not leating you teach me today. I've just been so hyper the last caple of days and wont stop teaking [talking] to my friends. Also I kind of new what you wear teacheing and got bored and started talking. I'm sorry that I haven been veary respectful to you. you are just doing your job..."

Okay. So that might have been almost all of them. Aren't they endearing though? And so honest it hurts sometimes! I tried to write exactly what they did so that I will always remember their letters.
During 7th period I decided I would write each of them a letter in return, which I just did.
I really do love the students in my 6th period, but I'm frustrated because I know this is information that some students really need. I'll keep you posted on how tomorrow goes!

-Ms. Damron-